Dog Days

It's my last week of summer and I don't know how to stay busy. I should be enjoying the languid moments of serenity, the endless hours of reading and basking in the sun. Moments with nothing to do but relax and be lazy, and yet I'm dying for distractions. Things to keep me occupied from contemplating a lost relationship, from remembering sweet moments and hurting over the ache in my heart; the newly opened space in my life.

Try as I might I cannot seem to arouse myself from this dreary waste that I am in. I look forward to school starting, to a new job on campus (I was hired as the secretary for BYU's preschool and kindergarten), to friends returning from summer adventures, to things to fill up these empty hours and mournful passing minutes.

I relish in the opportunities to lose myself in textbooks, lectures, arguments, spontaneous trips, misadventures, crappy food, more baking, a new house, a room to myself, new friends, new roommates, ward callings, visiting teaching, serving others, and just losing myself in life.

Being single is easy I am told. Marriage is not the answer to your problems. So I'm going to enjoy these moments of selfishness that I have. The days that I can spend only worrying about me and me and just me. I should be excited about that... right?

Let Me Open My Heart to You for a Moment

It's been a hard week. So Mom told me to write poetry. She said, "Go write some good poetry. Or even bad." I think I wrote bad, but they are still my words and feelings. Let me open myself up to your for a moment. I am sure we will laugh over this pain in years to come.

I Bled

I wrote until my fingers bled
I ran until my feet bled
I kneeled until my knees bled
I cried until my eyes bled
I begged until my lips bled
I bled until there was no more
Until I was a hollow shell
Waiting for you to come
And fix my broken heart


Title Yet to Be Determined

Dizzy and weak
Feeling nothing but bleak


My soul is vulnerable
My heart inconsolable


My mind is a mess
My body in distress


There is a deep hole
in the corner of my soul


Needing to be filled
Needing to be healed


But nothing makes sense
and nothing can recompense


This ache that stays
This love that grays.