Update Part 2

What I've been learning:
I have an attachment to Google Reader, it keeps me updated with everyone's blogs that I follow and the other day i discovered this little gem, literally. I subscribed to the Young Single Adult Gems and every Monday and Wednesday I get a new quote and if it tugs at my spirit or hits me hard in the core I look up the talk and read it. Most of the time I am sitting here copying and pasting them into a Word document. It reminds me of the talk given by Elder Holland about how we need to use the internet for good, and I'm not saying that Google Reader is bad, but it definitely keeps me from maybe reading other things that are more important and beneficial, so when I found this on LDS.org I was pretty giddy. Now I can read the gossip or friends and also keep up to date on some really amazing talks that I have overlooked over the years.

My roommate and friend Lisa and I started reading a talk a week last semester and sharing what we had learned from them with each other through email. Since then I had conceived an obsession with church talks. Whenever I get the chance I'm printing a new one off and highlighting it until it looks like an Easter painting. After a while I realized I had a large stack of talks but I could not remember what most of them talked about, little of what I learned from them. So I started to read them again, this time with my journal in hand, and I really studied them. A few of the talks that really hit home for me were:

• To Be Free of Heavy Burdens ~ Elder Richard G. Scott
• Your Refined Heavenly Home ~ Elder Douglas L. Callister
• Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence ~ Elder Holland
• The Atonement: Our Greatest Hope ~ Elder James E. Faust
• Point of Safe Return ~ Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf
• Feed My Sheep ~ Elder Ned B. Roueche
• Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ ~ Elder Kevin Pearson

Like I said... I really have been consumed with reading them. I don't want to spew out a bunch of quotes or excerpts from each one, rather I'd like to focus on the one talk that I learned the most from recently and that was the last I listed, by Elder Pearson. I have already shared these thoughts with my family via email but I feel the need to put them here:

It was a hard talk to read because I am basically where Elder Pearson says we should not be. He speaks of 6 D's: doubt, discouragement, distraction, lack of diligence, disobedience, and disbelief. I won't explain each of them because I think you should read the talk, but I realized that I have started down that path. Doubt comes from a lack of confidence in one's self or abilities. I may come across as a confident person but sometimes I feel like that is just a facade; I have my bad days like everyone else and sometimes I feel inadequate. This doubt leads to discouragement, and chronic discouragement leads to lower expectations, decreased effort, weakened desire, and greater difficulty feeling and following the Spirit. Discouragement leads to distraction (lack of focus), etc. Anyway, I have been so discouraged lately with trying to do what the Lord has asked me to do, which at the time was to move home for the semester. Try as I might, something has continued to prevent me from getting there. Whether it's selling my contract, or not finding a job anywhere (and I finally did find a job up  here). But I know that isn't all entirely true, because I haven't been trying as hard as I can. I've been distracted by so many other things.

It is frustrating but at the same time it is a wake up call. I realized so greatly that I am not being blessed or helped entirely because I have not kept my end of the bargain with my Heavenly Father, I have not been completely obedient, especially in the "small and simple things" that Elder Pearson says we must be obedient in. I have allowed myself to become lax and lazy about everything. It's cheesy but there are so many times when I day dream about being good at all of these things- waking up and reading my scriptures, saying my prayers, going to the temple weekly, etc, and how desirable those qualities are. How people would respect me more and look up to me more if I did these things. Since reading his talk I have tried so desperately to fall down that path again. I am not 100% back to reading my scriptures and saying my prayers, but I have been doing other things, reading my Patriarchal blessing once or twice a week, studying a talk, and really trying to participate in church (the more I do, the more I find I learn). And as I slowly do each other these, the more I am drawn to doing all the other things that I need to be doing, most importantly serving others and losing myself in those acts.

Part 1