I hate love. I hate how it can smother you like kisses from grandparents, lift you onto clouds like sweethearts, and how it can completely crush you to your knees in absolute agony. Love has no limits, no rules, and no boundaries. Once you succumb to its flattery you are done for. You lose the ability to think clearly and to make decisions without any bias. You find yourself making excuses, defending people who you would give the whole world to make them happy but who would never do the same for you in return. Love will never let you go. We fall in love with boyfriends and girlfriends and once they leave us or we walk away that part of our hearts stays with them. Even if we try so desperately to fill that void with another's love, that small crack, that gaping hole will never be completely full again. Because someone out there, mayhap we have forgotten whom, but someone out there still has a bit of us with them that follows them about like a shadow, that still keeps a prayer that they are happy and truly finding joy in their own lives.
Love pulls, love tugs, love yanks, and prods. It comforts, and kisses, caresses, and soothes. Love spoils, love indulges, love obsesses, and aches. It yearns, and hurts. It cries, and smiles, it skips and crumbles. Love can begin foolishly with giddiness and excitement. Mystery and hope. And end tragically with sorrow and pain. Misery and anger. Love begins on one side and ends on the other. You cannot toy with it, play games or cheat it. It will always know the truth. It is one thing we cannot fake or deceive with. You either do or you don't. There is no in between.
Love is the ultimate sacrifice. To forget one's self for the sake of others. To let yourself go entirely just because your mind is plagued with someone else. So love. Let go, take the risk and do it. You will have these moments at 1, 2... 3 in the morning when all hope is lost and you have finally walked away for the last time. Moments where you find yourself in the depths of despair and your whole being is racked with such agony. But there will be other moments when the sun has never shone so brightly. Where colors have never seemed so vibrant and life has never been so enjoyable. These moments will outweigh the first by such degrees that in the end you will never look back and regret once for letting yourself jump in. Risk it. Do it, and if there is a next time... Risk it again, and do it better.
1 comment:
Those are some very nice thoughts. I am often mesmerized and bemused at the substantial and growing body of research that shows that the first major loss of romantic love is a key indicator for an onset of long term Major Depressive Disorder, what people sometimes call "clinical depression".
I laugh at this and shake my head. I'm glad you are feeling hopeful, it's no small feat to want to keep on going. Whenever I feel like I lost my understanding of love I think of the eternal words of Ulysses Everett McGill:
"Pete, it's a fool that looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart."
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