I declare INDEPENDENCE!!!

Do we ever take human connection for granted? The ability to communicate feelings, emotions, fears, desires? Do we never appreciate touch? Smell? What type of people would we be if we could not feel? Never love? What would our lives be like if we could not believe or understand?

I have a terrible habit of dreaming of tomorrow. But in dreaming of it, I lose today. Nothing gets done. Life drags on slowly, plotting my course across a map of empty yesterdays looking much like the patches of earth from an airplane window. Where do we pick the pieces up? When is our breaking point? Who finally pulls us out of the ditch and pushes us forward? When do we realize we are wasting away? Do we ever? We always talk of goals and fixing things, changing habits but we never do. Nothing ever gets done. No initiative is taken. We set goals too high, we aspire to impossible dreams. Do our lives look like the sideways wanderers of roads and rivers? Why do we find it hard to walk straight down one path?

I have wandered carelessly, but most times purposefully, pushing against the fences that box me in. I wish to make decisions on my own, to have my own life, and yet I do. I have built my own walls. I've erected them around my mind, my heart, my soul. I set my own limits, not allowing myself to grow and change. Do I fear change? Do I fear risking everything I have now to become something I could be? Is it cheesy to declare my own independence? To declare freedom from myself? In declaring ourselves free from all that holds us back I believe we need to set all we have at the foot of our Savior and finally admit to the fact that, hey, we really cannot change on our own. We need His help, His hand to pull us up out of that ditch we have found ourselves in. Yes, everything starts with a desire, but to go from desire to action we need a little shove, a little kick in the pants by someone who knows us better than any other person. He knows our limits, He knows what we can handle and trusting in Him will enable us to let go of the past mistakes and move forward with more than just hope. He can helps us escape sometimes our worst enemy: ourselves. Well, I am going to declare freedom from myself, even if it is laughable; I want to risk everything. I want to find my real limits, actually go out and find my true boundaries. All that I could possibly lose is someone I am not too proud of. I don't want my future to regret my past. I don't want to regret myself. I'm pretty lame as it is, what's the worse that could happen? So all these goals I set for myself this past year - they're gonna happen. I'm throwing all my old habits away and reconstructing myself. Reconstructing me (I want to write a song, remind me to add that to my list).

Why am I doing this? Because I'm sick of the old me. It's time to grow up and grow out of old habits. I want to become someone who is easily loved. Someone that can capture a room, but never be superficial. I want to blow people away when they meet me. I also just want to be in such a state of happiness that each morning is brought with a ray of sunshine and ends with a smile. I want to walk out my door and see only the beauty of the earth and never once doubt my worth as a daughter of God. It gives me the shivers to think about the great big obstacles ahead but I such faith that if I trust in my Father in Heaven then I can become a better person and realize my full eternal potential.