Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Pillows

I sleep with a pillow next to me.

When I was much younger I did it to save me from the crocodiles under my bed.

When I was just a little bit younger I did it to protect me from ring wraiths under my bed and in the darkness.

When I was younger I did it out of habit and in hopes of not falling off a bed on cinder blocks.

Now, I do it out of the need and desire to have something close to me while I sleep. Out of the need to hold on to something real in a place so full of intangible dreams and goals that only condole for a moment. I do it to protect me from the nightmares that still come despite being 24 years old.

To comfort me in moments of homesickness when I miss snuggling little sisters and nieces.

To abate the sleeplessness that comes from sorrow and heartache.

To keep me from just not being alone for a few short hours when I put my defenses down and allow myself to rest from trying so hard to stay strong.

3 comments:

RJ said...

This one takes me back to my own single days. I think one of the reasons I'm so willing to let my little cuddle in our bed at night is because of the almost 29 years I spent alone in my bed of pillows.

Sleeping alone is a lonely thing.

RJ said...

Sorry...that was supposed to be "little ONES cuddle in our bed.."

Anonymous said...

I love your writing! All of it! I wish I could write as well as you do.