The 151st Rule

Overthinking will ruin you. Ruin the situation, turn things around, make you worry, and just make things worse than they really are.

Untitled

Started August 2011
Revised October 2012

Starlight faded into sunrise

and there arose that wholesome soul,

richly robed in naught but his truths

he 'crept in through the carvéd door.

There he wandered across the way

yonder and hence, staining the walls.

He pressed his touch with every beat

Escaped his breath on every vein

and there he did brandish his mark,

claiming the heart to call his own.

She awoke not sure of the morn

her halls encroached with ghostly wounds.

But there at the way her door did sway

the gate gaping open to the worms.

But no trace of the frightful night

did float upon her injured breast.

Left to wander about the scarred corners,

for light did press upon her cheek,

she pushed away the loathsome past,

and lit the gloom to find the lost.

Songs that I'm loving

Just this moment:

Biggest Flaw

I wrote this a little bit ago, but finally felt compelled to shared it:

I once had a boy compliment me some time ago on my generosity and caring nature. My ability to always just do things for other people.

He said this while he was breaking up with me.

Was it still a compliment? Yes, because I realized that is who I am: I do things for other people. A lot. It’s my way of saying, “Hey, you’re important to me and I’m thinking of you.” Doesn't mean I want to marry you tomorrow. It just means that I care about you as a friend (maybe even more, but let me deal with that). But most people get confused by that, so I feel the need to clarify.

I throw myself head first into things. It’s just how I do it. I don’t know any other way. I can’t ask forgiveness or apologize because I don’t think it’s bad. In fact I think it’s commendable. I've found I have learned how to love deeply and how to hurt painfully. And I don’t care about the risks; it’s worth it. Always is. You may break my heart and I expect nothing but sorrow and frustration from that for a time, but at least I felt something; deeply, strongly, passionately.

And that is one of the most important things in living- to experience pain and relief. And immense, passionate joy.

Little things

I've been selfish lately. So the other night I decided to write down a few of the small things that I have been grateful for in the last couple weeks or so. I still feel very absorbed in all the stresses in my life, but it helped to remind me that things are good right now and that it's the little things that count.

Just a few things that have made this week great:

• Hanging up spooky bats at work for Halloween
• My new J.Crew sweater
• A date getting cancelled giving me enough time to study for 2 midterms
• Dinner at Chik-fil-a because Austin let me satisfy an unhealthy craving
• Great study session with awesome students in my Brit lit class for 2 hours
• Arrested Development episode before bed
• New "New Girl" episodes to watch...when I find time
• Scholastic book orders coming in at work
• Mr. Brad buying me a Dr Pepper at work
• Someone complimenting my orange pants
• Hunting for treasure
• General Conference on its way
• The amazing people at my job who notice when I'm sick and ask if I'm feeling better. Oh and just the amazing people I work with
• Misspellings in a shared document for class that talk about King Arthur's beast instead of feast
• Fall colors
• New photos to edit and post
• Pancake night reunion with the Originals

Life is stable and good right now. Sometimes we just need a few things to remind us.