Fight for You

Wrote this a couple months ago for an assignment in Creative Writing. I actually had to recite the poem to get full credit. I wish I was brave enough to post a video of me reciting it now, would get the feeling behind it across better. Oh well...

(for the record- it meant something then, and still does)

"Here I am. Standing here, waiting.

I look into those hazel eyes placed perfectly under your brow and I see the question that burns in the cavern of your soul.

Will I fight for you?

Will I fight, for you?

Will I spend every last throbbing ounce of energy in my body to tear down whatever wall is thrown up between us? Whatever obstacle is placed in our path?

Then let me start by telling you how I would build a time machine just to go back and save you from ever getting your heart broken.

How I wish I could reach inside your memories and tear out all the bad ones with her just so you could forget the pain they each left in your chest.

Let me tell you about how scared I have been. How I let fear enter into my heart and let you walk away.

Let me tell you about how scared I was of pushing you away and how I have kept back so much in telling you how I really felt.

Fight for you? Ok.

Let me tell you it all right now, let me open up and explain to you how I want to be your one and only.

I want to be the one who gets to sit next to you through it all, thick and thin, and all the sizes and shapes in between.

How you’ve inspired me to write and how each time I think about you whether it is in a moment of pain or love my mind grows wings and soars with inspiration.

I want to be the one next to you the next time you smile and I want to be the reason why you are.

I want to go and do nothing with you all day. Lie on the couch playing card games and telling stories.

Let me finally show you how every time I wake up I wish you were next to me. How I hate night time because it means you have to leave me.

How I want to find out the great potential of you and me and see all the good things we could do together.

How I want to see you grow into a father and then a grandfather.
And then maybe one day hold your hand as you pass on, because love
love means watching someone die.

I want to be the person on the sidelines of every sport or hobby you do
just so I can watch you get lost in the things you love.

Let me show you how I long to be there the next time you get sick
just so I can hold you tight,
rub your back and do nothing but take care of you all day.

I want to be the pillow you hold on to in the middle of the night.

The pocket you put your hand in.

I want to be the clothes you wear just so I can be touching your skin always.

I want to know all your fears and then I want to go out and destroy them for you.

I want to hear all your dreams and then I want to be the one holding your hand,
standing next to you as you fulfill them.

Let me tell you how I pray everyday to take away your sorrow, to carry it myself.

Let me tell you how crazy I felt falling so fast for you.

I want to be your forever and let me tell you how I finally found someone who I want to be my forever.

You want me to fight for you?

Then I will. I’ll come out with guns blazing as I take on the entire world just so that I can run my fingers through your hair one more time.

So that I can be the one you come home to.

I’ll fight every last fear and doubt just to renew your faith and kiss you,
one
last
time.

I will cross every desert, every ocean, every mountain, every frigid landscape to show you how I feel and do it again just to make sure you know.

I’ll take on an army of blood thirsty rogues and die for you just to prove that my heart
was always yours,

is always yours,

and will always be yours."

Do more

I listened in on a private conversation over break and had some thoughts stirred up in my mind. How often do we get caught up in our worlds of me and now? How often do we pass up the opportunity to play that game with a nephew, to bake those cookies with a niece’s help? How often do we hide away in our rooms, not interacting with roommates, not calling that friend we haven’t seen in ages? How often do we not love fully or live completely?

So, do more.

Play a little longer, laugh… a whole lot more.

Make peace. Brush off every grudge or grievance.

Don’t regret anything.

Remember that no one is perfect, especially you.

Smile… always.

Put down the phone, the computer.
Walk outside.

Breathe in deeply and love every smell.

Squint your eyes and then open them wide, taking in everything.

Write a million thank you notes and actually send them.

Think more. Ponder more. Meditate more.

Read one more chapter, and then another, and another.

Hug everyone. Embrace those you love more often.

Speak more softly, and a lot less. Listen more.

Care always. Do it all, love it all.

Take a walk outside, despite the freezing cold.
Especially in the freezing cold.
Go without a jacket just to feel the prickles in your skin
and love it.

Hold someone's hand

at least once a day.

Make it a new person each day.

Just hold on.

Be creative

Read a story

Write a story

Write a poem

Write a song

Take a lot of pictures

Good ones at least

Listen to music

Good music, and a lot of it

Remember the past so you can make tomorrow different. And thank whatever God you believe in for giving you this day. He didn’t have to, and yet He did anyway.

So, love more.

Do more.

Happy New Year, 2012

Sorry for being M.I.A. lately. The holidays hit, half of which was spent without cell service or internet access, so I'm far behind on blogging. I have been writing a lot though. Spent a fair amount of time wandering the past couple weeks, getting lost in the beauty of nature and the craziness of my wonderings and discoveries. Being with family has spurred much of it, being away from the selfishness of college has spurred the rest. Once I have refined all the poems I have written and all the random thoughts I have ventured I promise to share and I hope to hear your own responses.

I get to ring in the New Year with family once again, I wouldn't have it any other way. Might even go to bed early just so I can wake up early and play with my cute nephews. I think for once I will finally have some New Year's resolutions, though I won't call them that. They are just goals I have set for myself this next year. Most of which are personal, but all will make me a better me, and all will help me find out who "me" even is :) I will share one- I am hoping to run a marathon this year. Mainly because it will get me into shape and then also because it will get me back into the habit of running on a regular basis. Should be interesting... Hope you all have a great New Year's!

PS the photo is a picture of the sunset last night in Utah from the I-15. It was beautiful and sparked a bilion more ideas

Shh... (if you don't like scary stories, don't read)

I have debated long and hard about whether or not to post this piece on my blog, but a lot of people have asked that I do so I will, maybe only for a short while. We'll see.

I took a creative writing class this semester and for Halloween we had a writing competition. I wrote a poem that won the scariest. I've never won anything in writing except for my essay in 6th grade for the D.A.R.E presentation. I don't think that one counted. So here is the first, legitimate piece that won me something. My prize was actually this nice picture frame, which was specifically chosen since this piece is about friends, it's kind of ironic honestly.

Don't Forget

"Shhh…

Can you hear it?

It’s the faint screaming

of the tortured soul.

The one that was stolen away

that night with five others.

Shh…

Can you hear it?

You wonder why it’s so familiar sounding?

It’s your own scream

escaping from your cracked and bleeding lips

as your body hangs

But no one else can hear you

You’re miles away from any town

with only me to keep you company

Shh...

We’re in this together

We’ll escape together

Do you remember how you got here?

No? I’ll tell you.

I was there watching it all happen

You and five of your friends were coming

home from a weekend trip

Everything was fine until you started telling

stories and awoke the wicked creature

that roams the reservation borders.

He was trapped in a corner after his death.
His soul could not leave this world so he is

forever tormented to roam the earth

Never to taste freedom

Only to cling to his victim’s dying breath

as if it is his own.

Shh,,,

Let me tell you what happened

You ran out of gas three hours out of Tuba City

You’re kids and rather than flag down a passing car,

which there were none,

you decided to camp out for the night.

You naïve suckling

Late hours into the night

the six growing cold

your friend left to gather more wood.

The five gathering in close

to steal one another’s heat

Shh…

Do you remember the sound?

The rustling?

It’s coming closer

Behind you

In front of you

Right next to you

That’s when you saw the eyes,

The glowing, crimson blood eyes

He’s been watching, waiting for you to drift off

into that foolish escape you call dreams

Dreams ha

After you see his eyes you notice the rest of him

He’s tall, big, muscular

but his skin hangs on him

as if it’s not his own.

His fingers are boney

his fingernails short and raw

as if he’s just scratched his way

out of a dark hole

where they bury the desperate lost ones.

His breathing is deep and raspy

like he’s been breathing in dirt

from the living tomb he sleeps in.

It’s quick as if he’s been running all night

but he hasn’t,

he’s only been there a few moments

called forth by your foolish stories of spirits.

But his hunger for release riles his breath.

It riles his yearning

He looks at you. The curve of your body.

The freshness of your skin.

His blood pulses in his veins, his muscles

throbbing to touch.

To caress.

Blood drips from his eyes as he stands there naked,

with his long, brown matted hair

Shh…

Remember what happens next?

Remember the bitter cold air that crawls over you,

from your toes to your calves,

around your knees and thighs, past your hips and stomach,

across your chest and wrists, up your arms to your shoulders

clutching at your skin as it grasps your face.

The hair on your body stands on end

You don’t realize what’s happening till it’s already done

You don’t hear your own voice before it’s over

Watch as he creeps across the way,

through the fire

Watch as he grabs your friend’s leg

and begins peeling back her skin like wrapping paper.

Shh…

you’ll soon forget the sound of her agonized scream

You’ll soon forget the scene that unfolded next as she bled

from every part of her body after he ripped the skin

from her and draped it on his shoulders.

You’ll soon forget he then took her to a tree

and hung her from a branch.

Remember how he came back for the others?

And for you?

How each time he pulled the skin from their faces

their eyes met yours and pleaded for release.

For an escape from this demon

His eyes

His eyes

His eyes as they bled with ejaculation cried the same plea.

His chest heaving with ecstasy as he stole their breath

calling it his own.

Shh…

Can you see the river?

The rippling red river underneath

their bodies as they hung from the aching wood?

Can you see his dangling finger

as he scratches the symbols in the dirt beneath the tree?

Those symbols

His raw fingers

His arched back

Why didn’t you run?

Why did you stay and watch?

Shh…

It’s almost over

You should have run. But maybe

he still would have found you

maybe you didn’t want to keep on living with these images

haunting you for eternity.

It’s ok, I’ll help you forget

just like he helped me to forget.

Shh…

Hold still as I erase those memories

I should have sent you to get more firewood

then you would see what he sees,

what I see

Then you would learn to forget

to just do as he does.

You don’t want to?

Ok then.

Hold still.

It stings at first but I’ll be quick,

quicker than he so you won’t feel it

for too long.

As I tear think of something else

Think of your family and how

I know where they live.

You should have ran.

Why didn’t you?

Shh…

Can you finally hear it?

It’s you screaming."

Come What May

This is a poem about me.
Wait, no. This is a poem about you.
This is a poem about you
and all the things I will do
to prove to you
that I will fight for you no matter what happens.
Come what may and love it, they say.
Come what may and I will fight it!
I will tear down every brick of those walls they throw up,
break through every barrier they force in our way,
destroy the barbed wire fence of rules and "musts"
and scar my hands on the thorns of every voice in my head
that says I can't.
When every stinging nettle of doubt pricks up from this path we wander on
I will go before you to keep your feet from bleeding;
from the bitter poison of fear that seeps into your skin
and lingers in your soul.
I will hack my way through the army of "never's" and "not now's,"
sludge through the grasping swamps whose wicked vapor settles on your heart
and smothers your pulse with the worry of dreams never seen.
I promise to stave off whatever aching pains and harrowing sorrows will come into your life;
to cut down the giants of empty yesterdays and unfulfilled tomorrows.
All the while standing next to you
to prove to you
that come what may,
I will fight for you.

Oh BYU

Yes I would love it if you stopped in the middle of the small, narrow staircase as hordes of stampeding students are leaving and going to class and begin walking up these very same said narrow stairs Yes I would love it if you decide to stand there stoic without moving with that innocent look on your face because you have just ran in to a good friend who you cannot wait to catch up with on life hence the immediate plantation of your feet into this marble floor worn down from years upon years of students treading across them. Yes I would love it if you act defensive like you have every right to stand there in complete shock and excitement of running into this friend whom you probably actually just saw two weeks ago but you act like it has been forever and are completely entitled to hold up the entire student populace while you spend your 30 seconds of fortune and exchange pleasantries with the other unintelligent person who chose to also stand there in feigned innocence and tell you about the girl, the sports, the schoolwork, the work work, etc. Please continue to stand there as we all wait patiently to get by with our raised eyebrows and accusing looks. You have every right to stand there. You have every right to keep us all from our work schedules, to make us late to class. No, no, please, do continue your conversation and act like the bro's that you are. I've got all day to stand here trying to politely squeeze past you and make it to my next appointment without being late. Don't worry, we all understand, it's all about you.

Oh BYU.

Poetry

I've been on a poetry kick lately. It began with a poetry reading a...month?....ago Wait, wait, wait. It actually began when that one time my mom told me to write poetry and I put those two poems up on here. From there I began sharing my words with a few friends, whose enthusiasm sparked my own and whose compliments gave me hope for success. Then there was the poetry reading, and finally a friend who writes more often than I do, and probably about cooler things.

I want to share some videos by poets who blow me away. Their words and their performances are amazing and I love what they do and who they are and just everything about these poems. Enjoy!

Also, check out my friend Dave's blog here

The Most Amazing Slam Poet

by Peter Nevland

Love Poem
by Rudy Francisco

My Honest Poem
by Rudy Francisco