Saturday, December 31, 2011

Happy New Year, 2012

Sorry for being M.I.A. lately. The holidays hit, half of which was spent without cell service or internet access, so I'm far behind on blogging. I have been writing a lot though. Spent a fair amount of time wandering the past couple weeks, getting lost in the beauty of nature and the craziness of my wonderings and discoveries. Being with family has spurred much of it, being away from the selfishness of college has spurred the rest. Once I have refined all the poems I have written and all the random thoughts I have ventured I promise to share and I hope to hear your own responses.

I get to ring in the New Year with family once again, I wouldn't have it any other way. Might even go to bed early just so I can wake up early and play with my cute nephews. I think for once I will finally have some New Year's resolutions, though I won't call them that. They are just goals I have set for myself this next year. Most of which are personal, but all will make me a better me, and all will help me find out who "me" even is :) I will share one- I am hoping to run a marathon this year. Mainly because it will get me into shape and then also because it will get me back into the habit of running on a regular basis. Should be interesting... Hope you all have a great New Year's!

PS the photo is a picture of the sunset last night in Utah from the I-15. It was beautiful and sparked a bilion more ideas

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Shh... (if you don't like scary stories, don't read)

I have debated long and hard about whether or not to post this piece on my blog, but a lot of people have asked that I do so I will, maybe only for a short while. We'll see.

I took a creative writing class this semester and for Halloween we had a writing competition. I wrote a poem that won the scariest. I've never won anything in writing except for my essay in 6th grade for the D.A.R.E presentation. I don't think that one counted. So here is the first, legitimate piece that won me something. My prize was actually this nice picture frame, which was specifically chosen since this piece is about friends, it's kind of ironic honestly.



Don't Forget

"Shhh…
Can you hear it?
It’s the faint screaming
of the tortured soul.
The one that was stolen away
that night with five others.

Shh…
Can you hear it?
You wonder why it’s so familiar sounding?
It’s your own scream
escaping from your cracked and bleeding lips
as your body hangs
But no one else can hear you
You’re miles away from any town
with only me to keep you company

Shh...
We’re in this together
We’ll escape together
Do you remember how you got here?
No? I’ll tell you.
I was there watching it all happen
You and five of your friends were coming
home from a weekend trip
Everything was fine until you started telling
stories and awoke the wicked creature
that roams the reservation borders.
He was trapped in a corner after his death.
His soul could not leave this world so he is
forever tormented to roam the earth
Never to taste freedom
Only to cling to his victim’s dying breath
as if it is his own.

Shh,,,
Let me tell you what happened
You ran out of gas three hours out of Tuba City
You’re kids and rather than flag down a passing car,
which there were none,
you decided to camp out for the night.
You naïve suckling
Late hours into the night
the six growing cold
your friend left to gather more wood.
The five gathering in close
to steal one another’s heat

Shh…
Do you remember the sound?
The rustling?
It’s coming closer
Behind you
In front of you
Right next to you
That’s when you saw the eyes,
The glowing, crimson blood eyes
He’s been watching, waiting for you to drift off
into that foolish escape you call dreams
Dreams ha
After you see his eyes you notice the rest of him
He’s tall, big, muscular
but his skin hangs on him
as if it’s not his own.
His fingers are boney
his fingernails short and raw
as if he’s just scratched his way
out of a dark hole
where they bury the desperate lost ones.
His breathing is deep and raspy
like he’s been breathing in dirt
from the living tomb he sleeps in.
It’s quick as if he’s been running all night
but he hasn’t,
he’s only been there a few moments
called forth by your foolish stories of spirits.
But his hunger for release riles his breath.
It riles his yearning
He looks at you. The curve of your body.
The freshness of your skin.
His blood pulses in his veins, his muscles
throbbing to touch.
To caress.
Blood drips from his eyes as he stands there naked,
with his long, brown matted hair


Shh…
Remember what happens next?
Remember the bitter cold air that crawls over you,
from your toes to your calves,
around your knees and thighs, past your hips and stomach,
across your chest and wrists, up your arms to your shoulders
clutching at your skin as it grasps your face.
The hair on your body stands on end
You don’t realize what’s happening till it’s already done
You don’t hear your own voice before it’s over
Watch as he creeps across the way,
through the fire
Watch as he grabs your friend’s leg
and begins peeling back her skin like wrapping paper.

Shh…
you’ll soon forget the sound of her agonized scream
You’ll soon forget the scene that unfolded next as she bled
from every part of her body after he ripped the skin
from her and draped it on his shoulders.
You’ll soon forget he then took her to a tree
and hung her from a branch.
Remember how he came back for the others?
And for you?
How each time he pulled the skin from their faces
their eyes met yours and pleaded for release.
For an escape from this demon
His eyes
His eyes
His eyes as they bled with ejaculation cried the same plea.
His chest heaving with ecstasy as he stole their breath
calling it his own.

Shh…
Can you see the river?
The rippling red river underneath
their bodies as they hung from the aching wood?
Can you see his dangling finger
as he scratches the symbols in the dirt beneath the tree?
Those symbols
His raw fingers
His arched back
Why didn’t you run?
Why did you stay and watch?

Shh…
It’s almost over
You should have run. But maybe
he still would have found you
maybe you didn’t want to keep on living with these images
haunting you for eternity.
It’s ok, I’ll help you forget
just like he helped me to forget.

Shh…
Hold still as I erase those memories
I should have sent you to get more firewood
then you would see what he sees,
what I see
Then you would learn to forget
to just do as he does.
You don’t want to?
Ok then.
Hold still.
It stings at first but I’ll be quick,
quicker than he so you won’t feel it
for too long.
As I tear think of something else
Think of your family and how
I know where they live.
You should have ran.
Why didn’t you?

Shh…
Can you finally hear it?
It’s you screaming."

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Come What May

This is a poem about me.
Wait, no. This is a poem about you.
This is a poem about you
and all the things I will do
to prove to you
that I will fight for you no matter what happens.
Come what may and love it, they say.
Come what may and I will fight it!
I will tear down every brick of those walls they throw up,
break through every barrier they force in our way,
destroy the barbed wire fence of rules and "musts"
and scar my hands on the thorns of every voice in my head
that says I can't.
When every stinging nettle of doubt pricks up from this path we wander on
I will go before you to keep your feet from bleeding;
from the bitter poison of fear that seeps into your skin
and lingers in your soul.
I will hack my way through the army of "never's" and "not now's,"
sludge through the grasping swamps whose wicked vapor settles on your heart
and smothers your pulse with the worry of dreams never seen.
I promise to stave off whatever aching pains and harrowing sorrows will come into your life;
to cut down the giants of empty yesterdays and unfulfilled tomorrows.
All the while standing next to you
to prove to you
that come what may,
I will fight for you.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Oh BYU

Yes I would love it if you stopped in the middle of the small, narrow staircase as hordes of stampeding students are leaving and going to class and begin walking up these very same said narrow stairs Yes I would love it if you decide to stand there stoic without moving with that innocent look on your face because you have just ran in to a good friend who you cannot wait to catch up with on life hence the immediate plantation of your feet into this marble floor worn down from years upon years of students treading across them. Yes I would love it if you act defensive like you have every right to stand there in complete shock and excitement of running into this friend whom you probably actually just saw two weeks ago but you act like it has been forever and are completely entitled to hold up the entire student populace while you spend your 30 seconds of fortune and exchange pleasantries with the other unintelligent person who chose to also stand there in feigned innocence and tell you about the girl, the sports, the schoolwork, the work work, etc. Please continue to stand there as we all wait patiently to get by with our raised eyebrows and accusing looks. You have every right to stand there. You have every right to keep us all from our work schedules, to make us late to class. No, no, please, do continue your conversation and act like the bro's that you are. I've got all day to stand here trying to politely squeeze past you and make it to my next appointment without being late. Don't worry, we all understand, it's all about you.

Oh BYU.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Poetry

I've been on a poetry kick lately. It began with a poetry reading a...month?....ago Wait, wait, wait. It actually began when that one time my mom told me to write poetry and I put those two poems up on here. From there I began sharing my words with a few friends, whose enthusiasm sparked my own and whose compliments gave me hope for success. Then there was the poetry reading, and finally a friend who writes more often than I do, and probably about cooler things.

I want to share some videos by poets who blow me away. Their words and their performances are amazing and I love what they do and who they are and just everything about these poems. Enjoy!

Also, check out my friend Dave's blog here

The Most Amazing Slam Poet
by Peter Nevland

Love Poem
by Rudy Francisco

My Honest Poem
by Rudy Francisco

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Ick

Ick
It's that feeling in my gut
The bitter taste in my mouth
The rank smell in my nose
The white noise in my head
This foreboding of something unwanted
coming towards me
It's that worry that I've misplaced something
the worry that I've missed the picture
that I've been blinded to the fault
of what really is
and not what I want to see.
It festers and grows
ravenous and insatiable,
eating out my insides,
seeking out that sliver of peace
I hold within me.
Unsure of how to face it
I lie here waiting for the light to come
and show me what I could not see before.
Or maybe what I would not
nor wanted to
see.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

The After Effects

Remember that really fun mocktail birthday party? Well this is what your hair looks like after having it curled, teased, put up so beautifully by an awesome friend, and then after you run around looking pretty for 3 hours go dancing for another two, followed by hot cocoa at 7-11, and then youtube videos snuggled up on the couch until *cough 2am *cough:

Just another Friday night in the college life of my friends and me. Was the 'fro worth it? You bet, I had great hair alllllll the next day on Saturday :)